Bubbles and sex may seem to have very little in common on the surface but when you take time to think about it, they pair quite nicely together. Bubbles are fun for people of all ages. As a kid, they enamored you. They made you happy and provided you with carefree entertainment. As an adult bubbles can still be magical if you allow yourself to get back in touch with the wonder, openness, and delight you once experienced with them. And while you are at it, make it a sensual mindfulness exercise by getting in touch with your breath, body, senses and erotic mind. Just like bubbles, sex should be fun and carefree. Sex can bring about wonder and delight if you allow yourself to be more open to what IS instead of focusing on what you think it should be.
Mindfulness is a special way of paying attention. It is a state of mind and a practice that you can incorporate into all areas of your life to achieve balance, inner peace and acceptance of what is. It can help you manage stress, minimize anxiety, gain more awareness, improve depression, increase attention, manage pain and increase pleasure. But to gain the benefits you must practice. Over time, you can gain more moments of fulfillment and satisfaction with your life, including your sex life.
Four Step Sensual Mindfulness with Bubbles Exercise
1. Use Your Breath
Your breath is an anchor that can bring you back to what is happening in the here and the now. This is where life is lived. This is where change can happen. Not in the future or in the past but in the present. Your breath can serve as a pathway back to the present moment.
Before you begin blowing any bubbles get in touch with your body. Place one hand on your chest and one across your abdomen. Breath in through your nose (counting to three) and out through your mouth (counting to three). Pay to the rise and fall of your chest and abdomen. Feel the warmth of your hands on your body. Pay attention to your entire body. Do you feel any sensations? Continue for 10 breath cycles. Next, breathe into your erogenous zones: Breast, vulva, penis, vagina, clitoris, butt, neck, small of your back, ears, feet or anything else that may turn you on. Now, after about minute, pick up your bubbles. Look at the packaging. Touch the container. Remove the top and grab the bubble wand. Take notice of any sensations. Did you get liquid on your fingers? Take time to explore what it feels like. Do the bubbles have a scent? Now, while still paying attention to the flow of your breath, take a mindful inhale through your nose, and through pursed lips exhale, using your breath to blow bubbles. What do you see?
2. Follow That Bubble
Minds wander. There is always so much going on and so much to do. It can feel like you never have time to focus on one thing. But by learning to focus on something in particular you can train your mind to wander less, allowing you to respond to your environment instead of mindlessly reacting to it. This helps us to feel more in tune with what is happening around us and gives us the flexibility to make choices instead of being led by auto-pilot and later regretting our actions.
When it comes to sex our minds can often wander. We think about how we look, if we are satisfying our partner, if we will orgasm, how long it will take, what we have to pickup at the grocery store and so on. In addition, we tend to judge these thoughts. When we are critical of ourselves, we are more likely to be in our emotional mind and foster negative thoughts. That is not very sexy, is it? Sex is sensual and requires us to be in the moment to truly enjoy the experience. Bubbles can help you practice focusing and doing so non-judgmentally.
Focus on your bubbles. What do they look like? How many of them are there? Do they have any color to them? What shape are they? How big are they? Now blow more bubbles and pick one to follow until its journey ends. Where does it go? How long does it last for? If your mind wanders, that’s ok. That is what minds do! Just refocus yourself on your bubble. If your bubble pops, feel free to create more bubbles and follow another one. If you find yourself following someone else’s bubble or you get distracted, pay attention to your thoughts. Try not to judge yourself and gently refocus yourself back on your bubble. Practice this for a few minutes.
3. Pop Thoughts
Thoughts are like bubbles floating in the air. They form and are here for one moment and then they pop and disappear. Sometimes there are a whole bunch of them floating around and filling the air around you. They can seem chaotic and out of control, aimlessly drifting about. Your thoughts can feel the same way at times. But just like bubbles, your thoughts appear and can disappear or you can find yourself fixated on every thought that arises.
By learning to accept that thoughts are not facts and that you do not have to engage with everyone that pops into your mind you can give yourself the opportunity to choose the important ones to pay attention to and learn to dismiss the ones that are not helpful.
Start by identifying an unhelpful sexual thought. Now blow bubbles. Identify one bubble as a representative of that thought. Pop it! Let that thought go. Repeat.
4. Hitch a Ride on a Bubble
A change in perspective can sometimes give you the kick in the pants you need to expand the way you look at a situation. If we are used to thinking that sex should be a certain way, we can let those expectations color our experience. When things do not measure up we are disappointed because we are weighed down by our rigid perception of how things should be.
Bubbles are light and carefree, just as sex can be. So challenge yourself to use that child like imagination you once had and take a ride inside of that bubble. A new perspective can help you to see things differently and heighten satisfaction. Where does it take you? What do you see? How does it feel? Can you smell anything? What are you hearing? Now take that light and carefree feeling with you as you imagine you are in an intimate moment with you partner. Pay attention to what you see. How does touch feel? Can you smell anything? Can you taste anything? What are you hearing? Let go of expectations and be with what is.
With continued mindfulness practice, you can become more skilled at being present and fully engaged during your intimate moments and reach the full potential of your sex life. Give it a try!